GENERAL JOKES.

• A pretty rich man was a regular customer of a famous store. He parked his Mercedes and entered his store. Only after a few minutes, his favorite salesgirl came running him to tell him that someone stole his Mercedes. When asked why she didn't tried to stop him, she said that she at least noted the number of the car.

• A fool of all times went to the doctor. Both his ears were burnt. The doctor exclaimed, "What happened?" He told the doctor that as he was ironing his shirt, someone called and he picked up the iron instead of the receiver of the phone and stuck it to his ear. When the doctor asked about the other ear, he ejaculated, "The son of a bitch called back."

• A young fashionable woman on a vacation in Louisiana was desperate to buy a pair of genuine alligator shoes but she was told that she could only get them for the price she was willing to pay, if she caught her own alligator. So, she headed for the swamps. In the evening, one of the shopkeepers were amazed to see the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand and about five or six alligators by her side. She killed yet another one in front of him and hauled it on to the swamp bank. Then, she shouted in frustration, "Why, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

• Three partners of a Lawyer firm were attending a convention out of town. As the plane carried them to their destination one of the partners gulped and told the second partner Oh my gosh I forgot to lock the safe. The third partner said There is nothing to worry about. All three of us are here!

• How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture? Just say Fees!

• One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

• A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?" The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars." "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?" "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

• Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant withfriends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

• Man: Is there any way for long life?Dr: Get married.Man: Will it help?Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

• Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fightbegins!

• Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes

• It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

• It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things aswomen and then he turns them into Wives.

• If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence DayBefore marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking aboutsomething you say.After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finishThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster thanelectronic banking. It's called marriage.

• Girlfriends r like chocolates,taste good anytime.Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice. Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

• Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master ofWomen'?Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

• Q: Why dogs don't marry?A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

• There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much thathe would go through hell for her. They got married and now he isgoing thru hell.

• Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & theother ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life

• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the sameoffence!